just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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