Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
