my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
