i was born a porn star she said
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
