just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize