masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize