apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
