did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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