my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
