dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I just sharted jello shots
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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