omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
