I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
