why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
