I'm going to jail i love you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
