eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
