At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
