It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
