i think my tv is drunk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Someone came in the potted fern
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
