u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
sex in a hospital.. check
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
