WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
