Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
where are you?
Hypothermia
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
