im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
