We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
