When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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