My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
