I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
