hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
