apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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