We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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