i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
