i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I party with great urgency now.
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