My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
