@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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