You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why did my mother make you get naked?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
