omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
