Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
