Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
did you just send me my own nude
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
