if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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