She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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