Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
