i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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