how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
