News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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