Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
