it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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