The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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