my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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