just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
