when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
