And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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