I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
false alarm. still invincible.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize