I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
