you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
