being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
