My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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