I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
