we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
