i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my shit smells like andre
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
