life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
