she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
