My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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