We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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