considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
