Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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