Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
only you would photoshop your dick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
