I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
