He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
