i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
