Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
