so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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