google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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